My dad

Yesterday evening, I decided to give my mum a call just to see how she’s going and all..as usual, mum will always be all cheery when u call her out of the blue…we talked for about 5 minutes or so, until she said, “Hey your dad just got back. Talk to him for a while”…

So dad sounded cheer-ier than usual…I asked him where he just got back from …He told me he had to go to the immigration for his yearly renewal of his work permit…therefore, he has to go and have an X-ray as part of the procedure…but it was wat he said next, that really affected me since then til now.he said “Fen fen ah…they said that my lungs are a bit hard”..instantly, I felt cold and my heart boke…and then he went on to say “well…the thing is they don’t know what it is…they are worried that it may be contagious or something like tat..therefore, I need to go back for further tests. If they find anything not good, I’ll have to stop my business and leave Brunei”..

I felt such a rush of mixed emotions…just didn’t know how to react…I tot to God…Oh no..not again…My parents really don’t deserve this kind of life…it’s been one difficult challenge after another constantly…I am not trying to blame God…but sometimes you come to a point where you can do nothing but just be angry or depend entirely on God…Angry because all those ppl I truly love and care for around me, do not have such a blessed life…Deep inside me, I always habor this guilt of not being a filial daughter..not being near them..not taking care of them…instead spending time with my in-laws on every single mother’s day or father’s day or their birthdays for the past 10 years, and yet never a single time with my own parents due to the distance..

I know my parents do not blame me..but one cannot help having these feelings..and now with this kind of news…hmm..i guess I m really scared…when I put down the phone, I immediately searched the internet to see what it means…nothing positive came out…all saying it was some form of lung cancer and incurable..but I know when I was in primary six my dad had a lung surgery and I believe that is may be this instead of something serious like cancer…so now, I know it is not a time to be angry with God..no..it is a time I should trust God even more..and know that He will heal my daddy by His power and mercy…so pray for me guys…as for me, I’ll have to wait for his other test results..and continue to pray for him…and also my mum…so that she may have the wisdom and strength to support my dad…I really love them and miss them so much..i really wish I could do more